How to Write a Sympathy Card

Not sure of what to say in times of trouble? A few simple but well-chosen words can bring comfort.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A blank card with a picture on the front
• OR a simple, plain, ivory or white sheet of writing paper
• an envelope and a stamp

1. The most difficult part of any sympathy card is finding the right words to say, many people find, and so often, they say nothing at all.
   
   Unfortunately, saying almost anything at all is better than saying nothing. So taking a moment simply to say "I'm thinking about you, and I'm sorry for your loss" is often enough.
2. Begin with a standard greeting: Dear (your friend's name)
3. Avoid phrases like "I know how you feel." Instead, simply write that you are sorry for their loss. Write that you are thinking of them at this painful time.
4. Often, that is enough. If you wish also to offer your support, you can add: "Please feel free to call on me if you need anything." If you can, be specific in your offer, if you are close friends. For example: "Let me know if I can bring you (or your family supper one night this week. I'll call in a few days to see when a good evening might be to drop off a lasagna."
5. Again, if this is a close friend, and you have experienced a similar loss -- say, of a parent -- you may offer a note of comradeship, for example:
   "I remember how difficult it was when I lost my own father four years ago. My thoughts (and prayers, if appropriate) are with you (and your family)."
6. Keep it short. You don't need to, or want to, say very much, since the family will be receiving many cards. You don't need to be sparklingly original.
   
   The main thing is to express that you care. And the above will do the trick.

Tips & Warnings

• If the family is Roman Catholic, you may go to any Roman Catholic Church office and procure a Mass card, meaning that a Mass will be said in honor of the deceased. To have this said, you will need to know the name of the deceased.
• If the family is Jewish, they will be sitting shiva for seven days immediately following the death, and will be holding services in their homes -- or various homes of the families -- for several evenings. If you are considering a visit, consult the local rabbi about the best appropriate time.
• Again: sympathy cards are for offering comfort. No one is spell-checking you, or searching your words and phrases for wit and wonder. The main thing is to stick to basics, keep it short, and send it -- it will bring comfort. Stick to basics and feel secure.