How to avoid embarrassing people with uncouth questions: The Top Ten

Ever been kicked under a table by your dinner date? You probably, in the interest of getting acquainted, asked someone an uncouth question. Stepped on a social landmine. Every one of these questions is rather personal, and risks raising a sore subject. Save these for when you become very well acquainted, if then.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A sense of empathy

1. Avoid “You don’t remember me, do you?”
   
   The person meant no offense surely – instead, reintroduce yourself, saying “We met before, at the….”

2. Never ask, “When are you gonna have kids?” The last time I saw someone ask this at a party, the woman's eyes welled up with tears, and the husband snarled, "we've been trying for six years." It is a very personal and often sore subject.

3. Never mind what her midsection looks like - never ask a woman “Are you pregnant?” or “When are you due?” Suppose she isn’t?

4. “How old are you?” is only OK if you are very well acquainted. Suppose that person is not keeping well, or coming up on a dreaded birthday?

5. Never mind “How much did that cost?” Could be car, suit, ring, watch.

6. A close cousin to "how much did that cost" is “Who gave you that (car, ring, etc.)?” particularly to women – a successful woman can afford her own possessions.

7. “What did your (spouse) give you for (your birthday, Christmas, etc.)?” Suppose it was a vacuum cleaner, and they fought for days over it?

8. “How much do you get paid?” If you’re asked this question, the right answer is “twice as much as you.”

9. “How do you two know each other?” Seems innocent enough, but suppose they met in group therapy? Or “on-line” and they feel a little foolish about it? Best to leave this alone.

10. “Where do I know you from?” seems innocent too, but suppose you saw him on the news because he’s on trial for something? If it's someone of the opposite sex, is it someone you went on one date with two years ago and never phoned and have since forgot?

Tips & Warnings

• All that may seem a bit - well - stuffy. Some of them should be avoided absolutely ("How much do you get paid?") but others are simply require more caution. A couple who have just got engaged likely doesn't mind telling you how they met. "Where do I know you from" is safe, nine times out of ten.

[bevsue]

on 3/10/2009 Very perceptive. If we could all be this thoughtful it would be a much calmer world.

[dmaurno]

on 2/25/2008 Well put, Meagan! Thanks.

[meagan]

on 2/24/2008 What about asking "When are you getting married?" This is a VERY sore subject for some people, and others might not want to get married. Avoid this one too! (Or in stead of the last two questions on the list.)