How to Date a Superstar

Many people have a desire to date someone rich and famous. The apogee of the rich and famous hierarchy is the superstar. If this is truly your goal, you have your work cut out for you. Superstars all think they are the best thing since sex was discovered. If you want to date a superstar, you are going to have to be shrewd, cunning and not afraid of getting your hands dirty.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Keep your pants on. Superstars can have sex whenever they want. Distinguish yourself by not jumping in the sack before they know your name. This is not how to have sex with a superstar, it is how to date a superstar, so be ready to hold out at first. If you rumble in the sheets right off the bat, you end up in the call-this-one-when-I-am-in-town category instead of the potential-dating-partner category.
2. Fight for your superstar. Once you have honed in on a superstar there is going to be competition on the way to dating the superstar. You are going to have to be as prepared to make the challengers look bad as you are to make yourself look good.
3. Act like you do not know they are a superstar. Superstars are weary of people who want to date them just because they are a superstar. They realize that these people are usually shallow and you are proof of that. If you can convince them that you have never seen or heard of them before, they are more likely to let you get close to them.
4. Befriend the head honcho of the posse. If you are in tight with the superstar's posse, you are well on your way to dating a superstar.
5. Settle for an ugly one. If you are having a difficult time dating a superstar, you may have to start scraping the bottom of the barrel. Not every superstar is a knockout. Even with the money and fame, they might not be that great of a catch. If you are having a difficult time dating a superstar that has it all, try to date a superstar that only has some of it. If you can latch on at a low point and be supportive, there is a good chance you may end up dating a superstar.
6. Network to meet superstars who are higher up on the superstar totem pole. In only a few relationships you may find yourself dating a superstar that is rich, powerful, famous and maybe even fun to be with.