How to Approach a Shy Toddler

Childhood shyness is unfortunately common among preschoolers. When you approach a shy toddler, you must take great care not to frighten him. As an adult, you appear to be a giant in a child's eyes, and possibly a scary one at that. Advance slowly, and allow the child to set the pace.

Instructions

1. Smile from across the room. Children study faces, perhaps more than adults do. The expression on your face before you approach will have a bearing on the shy child's attitude toward you. To a child, distracted people appear blank and unfriendly. An adult--while concentrating--can appear quite angry. Keep your expression in check. Purposely smile at the toddler before you approach.

2. Talk to the toddler's caregiver. Few toddlers are wandering off alone, especially shy ones. Find the child's parent or sitter and strike up a conversation. As the toddler observes your interaction, you'll be seen as someone friendly rather than as a threat.

3. Continue smiling at the toddler on occasion. During your discussion with the adult, smile occasionally at the shy toddler, but don't overdo it. There is such a thing as 'scary-friendly.' It isn't time to engage the child in the conversation quite yet. Children with shyness need extra time to adjust to your presence.

4. Watch the toddler for cues. You can help a shy child come out of her shell by reading her body language. When she begins to come out from behind the caregiver and shyly smile back, she is ready to accept a word or two from you.

5. Say hello. If the shy toddler immediately runs behind the caregiver without a word, it will take some time before you'll be allowed to approach. If the child becomes upset, know that it's time for you to retreat. But if the toddler smiles back, you have been accepted and can say a few more words. Eventually, the child will warm up and interact with you in a more comfortable manner.

Tips & Warnings

• Smile genuinely, with your eyes, not just your mouth. Children can tell the difference.

• Try commenting on something other than the child himself. "Did you see that little doggie over there?" is better than, "You sure have big, blue eyes!" Shy children are more at ease when the focus is not directly on them.

• Never try to pick up or touch a shy toddler without slowly engaging her first. If an adult scoops up a toddler (especially a stranger), the toddler may view this as a terrifying experience.