How to Overcome Fear of Intimacy

Fear of intimacy can involve anything from hiding your artistic work from your spouse to rejecting sex. While sexual inhibition is the most prominent, lack of dialog in your marriage can damage your self esteem as well as your relationship. While you need therapy to tackle a morbid fear of intimacy, there are small things you can do to overcome your fear.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Visit your doctor to see if you suffer from anxiety or depression. These conditions affect your mood which can keep you from sharing things with your spouse. You may not have the fear of intimacy you think.
2. Concentrate on being your spouse's friend. Write down what you want to share with your good friend and work on those things one at a time.
3. Respect your interests, ambitions, abilities and limitations. Just as you forgive your spouse for his mistakes, forgive yourself. Repeat statements affirming that we live in an imperfect world and therefore, you don't need to be perfect either.
4. Keep a journal and write down your feelings. Articulating them on paper may help move you towards expressing them out loud. Write out dialogs between you and your spouse, anticipating threatening things he may say and disputing them.
5. Set aside time each week to share your experiences. Go out to dinner and tell your spouse about yourself as if she were a biographer. Listen avidly as she tells you about her life. The things you discover will move you to greater intimacy.
6. Pay attention to what he loves and make an effort to provide it often. Cook his favorite foods, treat him to his favorite restaurants and go with him to his favorite places. This creates a pleasant, accepting atmosphere where you can share intimacy with him.
7. Ask your spouse to allow you to take charge of sexual intimacy for a while. Be open about what you do and don't feel comfortable with. Take it step by step and let your spouse's understanding help you overcome your fear.

Tips & Warnings

• Intimacy isn't just about sharing the horror stories from your past. Tell him about the things you believe in, your hopes and your insecurities.