How to Set Boundaries With Stepchildren

You never thought you'd be a step-parent, but here you are. Blended families are common, but that doesn't mean they're easy. You love your spouse and therefore accept your stepchildren. But when things get ugly, it becomes important to set boundaries with your stepchildren.

Instructions

1. Support your spouse first. Despite all efforts to make the blended family comfortable for everyone, you may run into some rough patches. When there are disagreements, always support your spouse's decisions. This position will keep the stepchildren from driving a wedge between you.

2. Defer to the natural parent. You step up and fill your role as one of the adults in the family, but sometimes your directives are not obeyed. When the stepchildren disobey you, refer the situation to your spouse. Arguing with the stepchildren puts you in a bad light. Their natural parent has more influence than you do.

3. Be positive. Remember stepchildren are the product of divorce, which leaves scars even in the best situation. You must not add to their burdens by making negative comments about your spouse's ex. Try to express an understanding and neutral position. Whenever possible, deflect the stepchildren's negative comments to a more productive subject.

4. Maintain your priorities. Becoming a stepparent doesn't mean you abandon the other roles you play in life. You're still an employee, friend, sibling and spouse, among other things. Try to maintain a comfortable balance in your life instead of allowing your stepchildren to command a disproportionate amount of your time and energy. Being a stepparent is important, but keep it all in perspective.