How to Destroy a Zombie

Though initially startling and horrific, zombies are actually surprisingly easy to kill. However, you may not always have the necessary tools for conventional zombie disposal on hand. Therefore, it is wise to master a broad repertoire of zombie destruction techniques so that you can improvise when the situation presents itself.

Things You'll Need

• Shotgun
• Large caliber pistol
• High powered rifle
• Sledgehammer
• Sports equipment
• Chainsaw
• Lawnmower
• Automobile
• Gasoline
• Helicopter

Instructions

1. Destroy the brain. Destroying the brain is the most common way of killing zombies. Traditionally, the best tool for this is a shotgun with buckshot or a large caliber pistol such as a Desert Eagle or a "Dirty Harry" type of six-shot revolver. Also, with enough strength, a variety of improvised melee weapons can be employed such as sledgehammers, baseball bats, cricket bats, records and even ash trays.

2. Sever the head. For those with a flare for the dramatic, severing a zombie's head is a serious crowd pleaser. The classic tool here is the chainsaw. Nothing spells zombie doom like a two-stroke engine and a 14-inch bar chain. Other effective tools for zombie decapitation are swords (especially Japanese katanas), axes, scythes and helicopter rotors.

3. Burn 'em. Like most undead, zombies are surprisingly flammable. Burning zombies is an excellent method of crowd control. Keep an eye out for canisters of compressed flammable gases and barrels of gasoline, especially if you are armed with a small caliber pistol. In some cases a torch can prove an effective zombie incendiary device as can open flame lamps.

4. Mulch or crush the zombie. Most corporeal undead, including zombies, can usually be utterly destroyed by completely obliterating the body. Good tools for mulching zombies are lawn mowers, heavy machinery, steam rollers and automobiles.

Tips & Warnings

• Improvise! Remember, that anything that could be a weapon is a weapon! Chairs, pool cues, bottles, saws whatever. Be creative.

• Remember that zombies are slow and stupid creatures. Sometimes it's easier to run away than to stand and fight. Try to find high ground such as a building roof where you will be visible to rescue helicopters and safe from stupid zombies.

• Remember that zombie blood is very infectious. When using melee weapons be careful not to get any zombie blood in open wounds, your eyes or you mouth. You may want to wear personal protective equipment.