How to Survive Visits With In-Laws
Visits with the in-laws can be overwhelming and exhausting, not to mention annoying. Even when you get along with your spouse's parents, spending time with them can be stressful. Making an effort to have enjoyable, stress-free visits with your in-laws will ultimately pay off for both you and your spouse.
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Instructions
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Set clear boundaries. If your in-laws live near by, make sure they know that they are to call ahead before coming over and that unexpected visits aren't acceptable. If your in-laws live out of town, plan the visits well in advance to give yourself adequate time to prepare.
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Plan the visit for a realistic period of time. If your in-laws live close by, one weekend will usually suffice since you may see them often. If they live far away, a one week visit is enough.
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Make sure that you have adequate space in your house or apartment to house them for the duration of their stay. If you and your spouse live in a tiny apartment in the city for example, ask your in-laws to get a hotel room instead. Having your own private space to unwind in at the end the day will be paramount to maintaining your sanity.
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Prepare activities for each day that aren't too overwhelming or draining. Going to a movie or having a picnic at a park are low key activities that won't break the bank or leave you exhausted.
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Do something nice for them. Cook their favorite meal, give them a gift or take them out to dinner to let them know that you appreciate them.
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Be pleasant and not too confrontational. Yes, some of their comments or opinions may drive you crazy, but your in-laws have been set in their ways for a long time, and it's definitely not your job to try to change them. Plus, stirring up an unnecessary conflict puts your spouse in an uncomfortable position.
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Tips & Warnings
Don't let your in-laws rule your lives. If your in-laws are being too demanding or overbearing, don't be afraid to say no to them. While you should try to keep the peace, your spouse and children are your priority, and if your in-laws are causing conflict in your family, it is ok to let them know that they need to take a step back. Ask your spouse to talk with his parents so that you don't have to be the bad guy.
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Comments
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stinkyloud
Jul 23, 2009
Kiwibirdi has it right to the tee!!!!!!!!! My in laws live couple miles away, fil recently retired and now the visits not only come unannounced but more frequently! I am not sure what to do, my husband thinks its stupid to ask his parents to call before they come over because its his parents and they shouldn't have to,we have only been married a month and its already making our marriage stressful, i should have set up bounderies in the beginning!!! -
kiwibirdi
Oct 24, 2008
Overall, decent advice. One thing is uncertain to me. You mention if the in-laws live nearby one weekend will suffice. Not sure what that means exactly. once per week or one weekend per month - it would be great if you could clarify. This is the help I was seeking. I was wondering what is the "norm". Again, overall good advice. I appreciate someone taking the time to write about this issue. I cannot find too much about in-laws that live nearby. I made the naive choice to buy a home just a few streets away from my in-laws. No children yet. Before we only lived 15 mins away - and hardly saw them. Now living 2 mins away - and both inlaws retiring really had an impact in the in-laws (namely m-i-l's) desire to visit. Unannounced dropby visits also were an issue in the beginning. These may be helpful points to include in a future article! It may help others. Thanks! !
