How to Deal With Backstabbing Relatives

Discovering that you have a backstabbing relative in your midst is very unsettling. Unlike argumentative or whiny relatives you can deal with up front, backstabbers are insidious. They do their dirty work undercover, causing a great deal of damage before discovery. Nip this cowardly behavior in the bud and reclaim serenity in your family life.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Leave the baggage of the past behind. You're an adult now, in charge of your life. Deny your relative the satisfaction of rehashing past unpleasant events by wielding your thick skin like armor against all naysayers.

2. Focus on improving yourself. If there is a kernel of truth to your relative's whisperings about your nasty habits, extinguish this gossip by overcoming your bad habit. Do it for yourself, not your relative.

3. Find supportive friends and family members. This is not about forming alliances, but getting support to bolster your self-esteem and mental health. Dealing with backstabbers can be draining, and you mustn't do it alone.

4. Distance yourself from the backstabber. If the offender lives in town and you must see him every week, you can't distance yourself physically but you can distance yourself emotionally.

5. Keep what is valuable, and with the breath of generosity blow the rest away. If the backstabbing involves a dispute over a family heirloom or other material object, ask yourself if you value the object more than the relationship. Choose your battles, perhaps this is your turn to back down.

6. Contact a family and marriage therapist. These professionals focus on mending broken family ties and using strategic communications to turn toxic relationships into tolerable ones. Involve the backstabbing relative if possible.