How to Breathe in Skin-Tight Jeans

Fashion is a fickle beast, and there is no pleasing her or trying to predict her trends. What is fashionable now won't be in the future...or will it? Today's fashion requires the wearer to don skin-tight jeans, and as anyone knows, this can be restrictive. Good fortune smiles upon you: you need only read this eHow to learn some valuable tips that will aid you in answering fashion's siren call.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Learn to breathe. Take yoga, meditate, do whatever it takes to learn to breathe in a relaxed manner, no matter the circumstances.
2. Exercise a lot. By doing this, you lose whatever body fat you may have, thus making yourself smaller, and better able to fit into smaller jeans.
3. Learn to hyperventilate without fainting. If you do it often enough, it will become second nature, and your jeans can be as skin-tight as you wish.
4. Practice wearing a corset. The best kinds are the ones use are those circa 1878 which contained whale boning (stiffeners, like ribbing, inside the corset) and a "spoon-shaped busk [a flat, steel stiffener that ran down the center front of the corset] made of steel." You will have to have someone tighten the laces for you as most of these corset's laces were located at the back. Begin with the corset fitting snugly, then tighten it more every day, so your body becomes accustomed to breathing while being restricted. Skin-tight jeans will be a cake-walk in comparison.
5. Paint your body, or at least the lower half of it. That way you can have the illusion of wearing skin-tight jeans while not actually having to bother with them. You would have to go to someone who is skilled in this art. Try the guy who painted Mystique in "X-Men," the movie. You might find him in the phone book or online. If you did Step 2, you could pull this step off more easily.