How to Have a Happy Marriage

Couples are more inclined to quit a marriage when problems arise rather than learning how to cope with them and solve them together. Divorce rates are rising, but despite the percentages, there are some couples who are committed to one another and to making a marriage last.

Instructions

1. Work on changing yourself, not your spouse. Too often, married couples are quick to blame their spouses for everything that's wrong with their marriages. If there's discontent in a relationship, improve things by first taking a look at whether you're the person you want to be. Ask yourself whether, if you were your spouse, you would marry you. If you can't honestly answer "yes," work on changing those traits before pointing out your spouse's flaws.

2. Make an appointment with a marriage counselor before you call a lawyer. Consulting a third party to help you work on your marriage is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shouldn't be a source of embarrassment, but rather a show of empowerment. Take this step before your relationship deteriorates to the point that it's next to impossible to rebound.

3. Place your marital relationship above all other relationships; this includes the children. If your marriage isn't solid, no one benefits. At the very least, your children will sense the tension; at worst, they'll end up shuffled between divorced parents. Putting children first is a common mistake in marriages. Couples need to realize that when they put their commitment to each other first, a happy home will naturally follow. They also provide a solid example for the children to model in their own marriages.

4. Learn to fight right. Couples can't think straight when they become embroiled in a heated argument. The happiest married couples know how to argue productively. Take a breather, physically walking out of the room for at least 15 minutes, or change the subject completely until you can come back to the point of contention calmly. Backing away from an argument isn't "losing." In the end, you both win by being able to find common ground.

5. Resist the temptation to compare your marriage to those of your friends. Each couple's relationship is unique. Unfortunately, like comparing homes, cars or jobs, it seems like there are always couples happier than you. It doesn't matter what another couple's marriage is like. If you've found what works for you and your spouse in your marriage, cling to that and focus on your own home.

6. Leave past relationships right there: in the past. When you begin to have problems in your marriage, spending your days wondering "what if" with the "one that got away" isn't fair to your spouse and won't improve your situation. You broke up for a reason, and fantasizing about how it could have worked out will only hurt your marriage, not make it happy. Focus on the present and how to improve your relationship with your spouse.

7. Choose to be happy. This may sound trite and unrealistic, but it's an effective tool for making your marriage happy. Think about it: if you get up every morning and focus on all the negatives about your spouse and your marriage, you can't be happy. Instead, start each day thinking about what a great parent he is or all the little things she does for you. Then, don't just think it, say it.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't feel compelled to let every thought you think come out your mouth. Don't turn arguments into a character bashing by taking the opportunity to rattle off a list of complaints.

• Leave your parents at their house. Your most important relationship now is that with your spouse. If you're constantly consulting your parents on every decision, it belittles the bond you have with your spouse and hurts your marriage.