How to Observe the Jewish Laws of Mourning
Jewish mourning involves various laws and customs which help mourners deal with their grief and show respect to their deceased loved ones. There are three stages that comprise the process of Jewish mourning: Shiva, Shloshim and the One-Year period. The various stages are intended to ease the mourner gradually back to everyday life by guiding him or her through one of life's most painful ordeals.
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Instructions
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Shiva
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1
Remain in the house of mourning for seven days if you have lost a parent, sibling, spouse or child. The house of mourning should be where the deceased used to live.
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2
Sit on cushions or low stools, since it is not permitted to sit on a regular chair during this time.
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3
Let others do work such as cooking, cleaning and other tasks. You should be focused on your loss. Being busy will cause distractions, and you will end up repressing your emotions, which is not healthy.
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4
Cover mirrors with a cloth. This is a custom in a house of Jewish mourning and represents the indifference toward external appearance at this time.
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5
Light a memorial candle. It should stay lit continuously and should not be allowed to go out.
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6
Wear socks or slippers instead of regular shoes.
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Eat a meal consisting of a hard boiled egg, bread and lentils when you return from the cemetery. The egg and the lentils are round, and round foods, according to custom, represent Jewish mourning.
Shloshim (30 days)
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8
Return to your routine gradually. It is imperative that you do not rush to "get back to normal." Jewish mourning requires time and adjustment.
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Remember to recite Kaddish, or the prayer for the dead, at every prayer service. Men should recite this prayer when they go to the synagogue. If you need some assistance reading the language, ask a rabbi. He may be able to give you a version transliterated into English letters.
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10
Make sure you are not left alone suddenly. When people leave the house of mourning, you may have a lonely, empty feeling. Have someone stay with you for a day or so to help you adjust.
One-Year
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11
Say Yizkor, or the prayer for the dead, in the synagogue on Yom Kippur, the last day of Passover, the last day of Sukkot and on Shemini Atzeret.
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12
Give charity in memory of your loved one. Any amount is fine, but it is customary to give in multiples of 18.
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Consider naming a child born in the family after the deceased. However, no pressure should be placed on the parents, since it is essential they feel good about the name.
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14
Observe a Yarzheit, or commemoration of the anniversary of the death, the first year and every year after.
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Tips & Warnings
Do not leave your home except for the funeral. Mourners are required to stay in the house of mourning for seven days.
Avoid the following: bathing, using creams or makeup, haircuts, trimming nails, wearing new clothes, doing laundry and marital relations.
Avoid the following: music, festivities, shaving the beard and cutting the hair.
Avoid festivities involving music for the first year of Jewish mourning.
