How to Talk to a Pregnant Woman

Talking to a pregnant woman shouldn't be different from talking to anyone else. It shouldn't--but it is. It's hard to resist mentioning the mom-to-be's altered appearance or her upcoming date with excruciating labor pains. You can open a terrible can of worms if you don't word your comments carefully. Knowing what not to say is key to maintaining harmony.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Stick with general comments about her looks, rather than getting specific. "You look great" is fail-proof, rather than noting the size of various body parts or how her nose has broadened. Noting that she looks "happy" or glowing is also a compliment that can't be taken the wrong way.
2. Focus on the excitement of the new baby, rather than sharing the grisly details of your botched c-section. Talk about the joy this baby's arrival will bring and stay vague if asked about your delivery. You don't need to lie if the pregnant woman asks you a specific question, but dwelling on how much that episiotomy hurt will not do any good.
3. Keep your questions friendly and nonjudgmental. It's fine to ask whether the pregnant woman plans to nurse, go back to work, co-sleep or any other typical hot button issue, but make sure you phrase the question neutrally so you are not implying there is a correct way to respond. Pregnancy is a time when most couples are still working through these decisions and they might be sensitive about their choices.
4. Ask how the pregnant woman is feeling. Express interest in her aches and pains if she elaborates on them, but don't press her if she answers simply, "Fine." This is a friendly question that gets posed multiple times a day to women nearing the end of their pregnancies, so while it doesn't offend, it might be tiring to answer thoroughly.
5. Offer your pregnant friend help, if you would like to make her life easier. Ask her if she needs you to bake a casserole the week her baby is born or babysit her older child.

Tips & Warnings

• One kind, honest thing to share with a pregnant woman is that she might not always be happy once the baby arrives. Many women feel guilty if they have a touch of the baby blues--which is actually quite normal and common, and doesn't mean they are bad mothers.
• Do not ask the pregnant woman how much weight she has gained.
• Refrain from comments like, "You must be having a girl because you are carrying the weight in your hips." This is actually an implication that the woman has fat hips and no one, not even a third trimester pregnant woman, wants to hear that.
• If the pregnant woman knows she's having a girl, don't tell her what moody terrors teenage girls can be. If she's having a boy, refrain from warning her how they will tear up her house, eat all her food and then forget about her completely once they grow up and get married. Even if this is all true, let her learn on her own.
• Do not tell the pregnant woman you don't like the name she's picked out and think she should name him Leroy instead. "What a nice name" is an appropriate reply, whether you like the name or not.
• If the pregnant woman isn't married, don't ask her if she plans to have a wedding in the near future. Word will spread if she gets engaged.