How to Be a Wino

We have all seen the winos on the streets. They are running around downtown with an endless supply of alcohol. They are laughing at themselves, talking to themselves and just having a good time. Man, you wish you could be a wino. Follow these steps to learn how. Anyone can do it.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Drink more wine than you ever thought imaginable. Drink it for breakfast instead of coffee. Have it before bed instead of tea. Give yourself an afternoon pick-me-up of wine.
2. Stumble around town drunk and talking to yourself. Have an argument with yourself if you really want attention. A true wino can put on a good show.
3. Keep wine in your purse, backpack, pockets, socks and under your jacket. At the house, keep it under your mattress, in all the cupboards and tucked away in the closets.
4. Lose all your front teeth from alcohol decay. Smile big to impress everyone with your drinking abilities. You have outdone all of them.
5. Spend all of your money on alcohol. Who needs to pay rent and bills anyway? You don't need a house or electricity to be a wino. You just need lots and lots of alcohol.
6. Talk to everyone on the streets. They are all your friends. After all, everyone loves a wino.
7. Acquire the bitter beer face of a true wino. It may take a couple of years, but you can do it. Once you are a wino there is nothing better to do anyway.