How to Help Your Older Child Cope with a Younger Child's Birthday

A younger sibling's birthday can be difficult for the eldest child to cope with, especially if that birthday happens to fall earlier in the year. Unfortunately your oldest child's competition can cause the rain on your younger child's birthday parade if you're not careful. A couple simple steps and you'll guarantee sunshine all day long.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• Love
• Understanding
• Common Sense
• Some Time

1. A few weeks before a younger sibling's birthday, take the elder sibling(s) out for a special lunch. Discuss with the child what is coming up, and explain that it's not anything more than what you would do for their own birthday.
2. Be sure that the child understands that you don't love your younger child more that him or her, and that you aren't showing favoritism. Make sure that your oldest child believes in the security of your love and that they feel part of the celebration, rather than left out and on the side.
3. While you are gearing up for the party, try to involve the older sibling in the event planning and prep. Have the child help with decorating the house, or buying the supplies for the party.
4. Be sure to allow the child to choose a present for his younger brother or sister. This helps the eldest feel like they're partaking in the festivities.
5. When organizing the guest list, be sure to invite your eldest sibling's closest friend or two. This will help balance the eldest's emotions while the party is happening, as well as keep the child entertained with her own friends.
6. The night before the party talk with your eldest again. Have a private dinner, or go out for dessert after the birthday kid has gone to bed. Talk about how the child is feeling, discuss any worries, and reaffirm that you love them, that they will get the same devoted attention, and that they don't need to compete for affection.
7. During the party make sure to give your eldest and their friend room to play privately. Don't force the child to interact with the party for the whole time. During the important moments like cake and presents, yes. But when its open play time, allow your child to do other things if they wish.
8. After the birthday is over, encourage your eldest to play with his or her younger sibling. This will help balance emotions and bring them back to an even keel in the relationship.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep in mind that these steps are for children who are younger, elementary school-age.
• If your eldest child(ren) are having an especially hard time with the upcoming events, try allowing the child to pick out one toy that will help distract him from the fact that his younger sibling will receive toys of his own.
• Be sure to always talk to your child through this time. It is important that your eldest be comfortable with the feelings they are having.
• Don't overwhelm your eldest with too many emotions. If your child is dealing with the event normally, don't give him a complex because you expect him to react differently.
• Be careful not to try to buy your child's understanding with material objects. Resort to a toy or gift only as a last resort.