How to Become a Hobo

Abandoning everything and everyone you know to ride the rails is a big decision. Becoming a hobo can be a very liberating life choice. Scrap your material belongings and shun the 40-hour work week. Put on your shabbiest pair of shoes and embrace the life of a hobo.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Love of train travel
• Tattered clothing
• A red and white checkered table cloth and long stick
• Can opener
• Harmonica

1. Quit your job. Hobos do not have stable employment, since it cuts into their hobo time. The steady flow of reliable income won't be necessary as you embark on your new life.
2. Abandon your home. Hobo life is not tethered to one location. Embrace the transient nature of the lifestyle. Leave with only the clothes on your back and a few possessions, which you should bundle in a square, checkered tablecloth tied to a stick.
3. Cease all contact with family and friends. Develop a new, more tenuous social network with other hobos. Cutting off people you know allows you to dive into the solitary hobo life. Sudden lack of contact keeps loved ones from questions about your decision and the inevitable intervention where people try to change your mind.
4. Heed the call of the train whistle. Hop a freight train and see where it takes you. The ideal train car for traveling is already open and not filled with cargo. Find one with a hay-strewn floor and settle in for the ride. Play your harmonica for entertainment.
5. Learn to ramble. Nonsensical conversation is a cornerstone to the career of any successful hobo. Decide if you want to rant at passersby or mutter to yourself. Educate yourself in hobo terminology.
6. Meet your fellow hobos. Hop off the train and look for the flaming garbage cans. Offer to share some of your meager belongings or a can of beans upon meeting people. They probably won't trust you immediately and you'll need to do something to get their attention. Swap stories about riding the rails. Fellow hobos will be the people to notice if anything happens to you.

Tips & Warnings

• Hopping freight trains is both dangerous and illegal.