How to Ask Someone to be a Maid of Honor

You recently became engaged, and now it's time to pop the second most important question: "Will you be my maid of honor?" Whether your maid of honor is your cousin, your fiance's sister or your best friend, you need to ask her in a special way. After all, she'll be planning your shower, coordinating with the other bridesmaids and--most important--calming your nerves.

Instructions

1. Wait a few weeks after the engagement before asking someone to be your maid of honor. You might have decided who you wanted to ask when you were eight years old, but it's still a good idea to just enjoy the newness of being engaged without jumping full speed ahead into wedding plans.

2. Tell your fiance who you've chosen as your maid of honor. The choice, of course, is yours, but he may want to find a way to incorporate his sister or close female friend in the wedding. Settle on a solution that works for both of you.

3. Invite the woman who you'd like to be your maid of honor on a special outing, such as an upscale brunch.

4. Bring a small gift. You don't have to spend tons of money, but a thoughtful gift serves as both a token of your friendship and a way to say, "thank you," in advance to someone who will be sharing a lot of her time and effort.

5. Lead up to your question by telling her how much she means to you and how happy you would be to have her share in your wedding day.

6. Ask and be willing to take "no" for an answer. Even your dearest friend might be overwhelmed with career or family obligations and she might worry she won't be able to devote enough time to helping you. Chances are good, however, that the answer will be a happy, "yes."

Tips & Warnings

• There's no rule against having two maids of honor. If you can't decide between two people, and you want to avoid hurting any feelings, you can ask them both to be maids of honor. Alternately, you can ask an unmarried friend to be your "maid of honor" and a married friend to be your "matron of honor."

• Don't dole out too many wedding tasks. Have an honest discussion with your maid of honor about what she has time to do and about what the two of you can work on together. Don't risk the friendship by assigning so much work that she becomes resentful.