How to Discourage a Partner's Sexual Habits

Sex is a part of any healthy intimate relationship. It is one of our basic needs as human beings, and when it is good, we are fulfilled, satisfied and happy. But when you disagree with the sexual habits of a partner or find them dangerous or undesirable, knowing how to discuss the situation with them can be complicated. Here are some tips to discourage a partner's sexual habits.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Be open and honest. Communication is vital in a situation like this that concerns health and safety. Do not underemphasize your feelings about the situation. Explain honestly why you are concerned and why you feel your partner's sexual habits are unhealthy. If they are encouraging you to do something that you are uncomfortable with, be open about your reservations and explain exactly why you don't want to do it.

2. Have accurate information ready. If your partner's sexual habits are dangerous or put either of you at risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease, get the basic facts before you talk to your partner. This will help inform both of you and will help your partner understand why you are concerned. If the habits are not dangerous but are still things that you are uncomfortable with, do some research on the number of couples that actively participate in these behaviors to let your partner see that the behaviors you are uncomfortable with do not have to be a part of your relationship for it to be enjoyable.

3. Suggest new things that the two of you can try as a couple that would be safe but still exciting and that both of you will be comfortable with. Or, if you're feeling adventurous, take the initiative and try one of these alternatives as a surprise. This will keep the spark in your relationship, keep the sex exciting and show your partner that there are alternatives that both of you can be happy with.

4. Get professional help. Couples counseling can help you explore why you are not comfortable with the behavior and help your partner explain why they feel the need to do it anyway. Having an objective third party may be the key to helping your partner understand why you are discouraging these behaviors.

5. Protect yourself. You have the right to refuse to participate in activities or behaviors that you feel are unsafe or that you are uncomfortable with. If you have discussed your partner's sexual habits with them and tried to discourage them in every way possible and they persist, it might be time to consider leaving. You can't force your partner to change his or her sexual habits, but you can refuse to be a part of them and take care of yourself.

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Resources

• Learn about sexually transmitted diseases at webmd.com.

[Pere]

on 1/13/2009 I have just come across your website and I find it very useful. I am a medical doctor working in Kenya and I have worked on AIDS for over ten years counseling people about their sexual habits. But this point is always a weakness. Many people narrate to me how they got into unsafe sex because of failure to resist their partner's suggestions. Thank you for proviidng this kind of advice.
From Muzeyi Kapere [e-mail]