How to Reach Out to a Sick Friend

Even close friendships can become strained when one of the pair becomes seriously ill. The possibility of losing that friend is scary and we're forced to face our own mortality. But by reaching out to a sick friend, you not only provide much-needed assistance, but also find ways to cope with the situation yourself. There are many ways to help someone and you can find your niche in the care giving.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Educate yourself. Rather than going to your friend when you find out she's sick and asking all sorts of questions that she's probably already answered a hundred times, take it upon yourself to learn all you can about the disease. Get on the Internet, ask friends or relatives who may know something about the condition or place a call to your own physician. Your friend will appreciate the effort and you don't have to exhaust her with repetitive questions.

2. Suggest a way you can help your friend. Many people call friends who are ill and ask how they can help. This puts too much pressure on the sick friend and they often say they don't need anything and that everything is taken care of when it's not. By telling your friend you'll perform a specific task, you take that pressure off and make it easier for him to say "thank you."

3. Cook extra when making your family's meals. It doesn't take much to double a recipe when you're making baked ziti or a chicken casserole. Buy disposable containers at the store and fill them with some of your favorite recipes to be stocked in your friend's freezer. She or a caregiver will have an easy time with meals and can simply throw away the baking dish.

4. Take your lead from your friend. Reaching out to your sick friend doesn't mean you always have to talk about his illness. When you visit or call, let your friend set the tone. He may want to talk about his latest treatment and his emotions or he might want to forget it for a while and talk about everyday things.

5. Acknowledge your friend's illness. Chances are that her appearance has changed; don't just ignore this and don't fill your friend with false optimism and empty comments. Be as honest as you were before she got sick, just use a little bit of tact and common sense and you should communicate as well as ever.

6. Clean the house. Make some time during your week to stop over and clean his house and do some laundry. These are the things that rightfully take a back seat when a friend is battling illness, but a clean home can make your friend feel less stressed and much more comfortable. If you don't have the time to devote to cleaning a second house, hire a cleaning service.

7. Remain in communication with your friend. Very often, people are there with calls, emails and cards when they first learn of a friend's illness. After a few weeks, this kind of support can taper off, leaving the sick friend alone and depressed. Keep the support coming, even if it's only by email. It's incredibly uplifting when an ill person knows that her friends are thinking of her.

Tips & Warnings

• If you belong to a church, put your friend on a prayer chain and have your church forward a prayer card.
• Set up a meal schedule with other friends so that there are meals coming to the house every few days, at least.
• Arrange for daily errands to get done by those people who can get around much more easily than your sick friend.

[shepthegazelle]

on 3/26/2008 I am a mother of two (3 year old daughter, 19 month old son) and I am due with our third child in May. I have always been involved in helping organize meal schedules for people i.e. someone has a baby, ill, recovering from injury or surgery, is grieving the passing of a loved one, etc. My husbands job has given us lot's of opportunities to reach out to people. The task of organizing a meal schedule is hard work, but it's gotten more difficult to do this as my family grows. Then I found www.foodtidings.com, a free website that keeps the schedule organized for me. So if someone wants to get a group of friends/family together to bring meals to this person, this site significantly decreases the time it takes. Between just my friends and family we have used it over a dozen times to get people together to help loved ones. I hope sharing this will help others.