How to Get Groupies

Some people spend their entire lives trying to write the perfect song or perform the perfect guitar solo. They devote their lives to their art form and stop at nothing to be the best. This article isn't for those people. This is for people who want to get groupies, fast and easily. If you long for nothing more than your very own mass of adoring fans, then you have arrived. Read on to learn more.

Difficulty:

Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Pick a platform. It doesn't matter whether you decide to form a rock band, be a great basketball player or land a role in a made-for-TV movie; all that matters is that you have something you're good at. Naturally, music, sports and television are favorites, but if you can program a computer in 10 seconds flat, there may be hope for you, too.

2. Spread the word. You can't get groupies if no one knows you exist, so you have to first build up a fan base. The Internet and MySpace are great places to get started. With a little bit of time, you can build up a list of hundreds of MySpace friends in just a few hours' time.

3. Be quirky. In order to get groupies, you have to have a flair for the dramatic. So, decide that you will only drink water imported from a small remote village in India, or that you will only eat foods that are orange. These quirks show your groupies that you have very particular tastes, and they'll feel privileged to be in your company.

4. Learn to ignore them. Groupies like to be ignored and mistreated, so whatever you do, don't talk or make contact with your fans. They like you because you're untouchable.

5. Have lots of money. You want to have enough funds to party and buy rounds of drinks whenever you go out, so having money is always a must.

6. Leave home with an entourage. The bigger your group is, the more likely you are to attract others to join your group.

Resources

• Get the book How to Get Your Own Groupies.