How to Dodge Mommy Claws

Your mommy dearest probably thinks no one is good enough for you, and she tells your girlfriend that at any opportunity. Controlling mothers have been around since the time of Cro-Magnon when an overprotective cave mommy threw a rock at the loose cave girl next door to protect her little cave boy. If you speak to your mother six times a day, it is time to learn how to dodge those claws. Read on to learn more.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Stop calling her mommy. The longer you behave the part of innocent school boy, the longer she will treat you like one.
2. Limit phone calls to once a day, then once every other day, until you speak only once a week. Change your cell phone number so she only has access to your home phone.
3. Move out of state. Drastic? Yes. But a necessary step if the claws are in deep. The swiftest dodge is distance.
4. Clam up when your mother tries to sharpen her claws on your girlfriend's habits. Refuse to discuss it, no defense you offer is good enough.
5. Date confident, secure women. Only a woman who understands her own importance is able to stand up to your mother.
6. Keep emails brief. She'll anything she can against you later. Mothers remember everything, but conversations aren't the same as printed evidence.
7. Introduce your girlfriend to your mother in a public location. The affair is less likely to end in a screaming match with gawking witnesses.

Tips & Warnings

• Do not call your mom at the first sign of trouble in your relationship. That only gives her power.