How to Give & Receive Constructive Feedback

People often do not know where to draw the line when distinguishing feedback from general criticism. If negative comments are given by someone, we may feel discouraged by these, and often blame the giver without any consideration for his true intentions. One who has little experience in dealing with negative feedback (whether giving or taking) will likely be offended by it, simply because that person is expecting to hear what he wants to hear. Learn how to open your mind and make some room for the word "Constructive" in Feedback.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Communication is the one thing that has helped us come this far in life. There are many general rules when providing feedback. These rules apply to your every-day life and to those who surround you; Your child, spouse, teachers, employers, colleagues, and so on. These procedures, as you know, must always be followed very carefully. The first rule is to be able to communicate clearly. In order for anyone to learn from their mistakes, it is imperative that people can get their point across as clearly and concise as possible. Below are some guidelines on how to organize and provide casual feedback:
   
   - Present the situation in question: If your child did not complete his math homework, for instance, you need to let him know how important it is for him to finish all homework given. As obvious as it may sound to both the parent and the child, reinstating the facts increases the likelihood of both being on the same wavelength.
   
   - Organize a plan to resolve the problem: Now that all cards have been placed on the table, discuss your child's fear. What are his strengths? What are his weaknesses? Acknowledge these so that YOU can better assist with the help HE needs. Knowing that help is just around the corner, your child will feel more secured about seeking advice next time things are looking rough.
2. Ask and tell! Advice is the way to show the ropes! But be careful how you approach it. To get a little more detailed, let's talk about a more serious situation (and possibly more common among adults) that is essential in the workplace. A fellow employee is not up to speed on the latest company project. As a result, he does his job, but it seems a little rough around the edges; Whether it needs more attention to detail or is usually late, it nevertheless needs to be brought to the employer's attention. How would the boss best handle a situation like this?
   
   - Again, Acknowledge the situation at hand. Talk to your employee about the importance and meaning of the project in question.
   
   - It is very important to also allow the person on the other end (receiving the feedback) to input his/her own opinion as well. This will help clear the atmosphere about any possible misunderstandings between the two.
   
   - Come to an understanding which will lead to a solid solution. If the employee needs to catch up with information, offer a private meeting! If not, have him/her sit with a fellow colleague to further analyze and discuss the goals on this project.
   
   - Follow up! It is not enough to simply come to a conclusion and move on. If this was the case, many doctors' patients would constantly feel ill. Once the necessary steps have been taken care of, go back to square one with the colleague to make sure that he or she is comfortable with the job. Best of all, this undoubtedly implies "If any more help is needed, I will always be there for you."
   
   - Remember there is no 'I' in 'team'. If something needs to be addressed, make sure everyone is on the same page, now matter how individual the situation may seem to be.
3. We are all humans here; Always be considerate and mature when dealing with advice. Even though all of the steps above are very reliable, they would all mean nothing if this rule is left out: Acknowledge people's feelings. Providing positive feedback is generally easy because one never has to worry about saying the wrong things. When negativity comes into place, however, people are suddenly playing an entirely new game. Do NOT, under ANY circumstance, make constructive comments offensive. These include, but are not limited to, yelling to an individual, embarrassing him/her in any way, or underestimating someone's character. If something needs to be heard, pull the person to the side for a moment, look at him/her in the eye, and talk about the problem/solution in a civilized manner. Does anyone think people will be encouraged to move on once their heads get chewed up? I highly doubt it.
4. This is self-explanatory. Make sure it is well-practiced. Now let's talk about what I call the receiver, or the person in need of feedback. Let's face it, at some point in our lives we all have met people who would burst into flames when given a comment that goes in an unexpected direction. To everyone out there, this cannot be stretched anymore, please consider advice as a way of healing your mistakes. The irony about these situations is that one often assumes that the commenter is not a true friend. A true friend would not say such "awful" things about our performance, correct? Wrong.
   Because we are only humans, we tend to overlook a lot of mistakes, especially the ones that we create on our own. Because of this, we NEED other people's perspectives. We NEED others to guide us in the right direction so that next time nothing else goes wrong. In order to grow before a person's very own eyes, we have to grow within ourselves.
   And one last thing: What happens if we fall? We get up and keep fighting for what we want. How can we come to this conclusion? Because of encouragement - Thanks to the people who provided good advice in the first place.
   
   As you can see, when it comes to feedback, it is not simply about when to communicate, but how the communication is executed.