How to Help your Children Adjust to a New Step Family.

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By ladler
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To your child, a new partner is a stranger. They'll need time to get to know him or her and to trust them. Introduce them gradually and try not to push your child into giving your new partner affection. Remember that a new partner can never replace a parent but can be an extra support for your children. New partners can help you all to focus on what might work best for the children. As you move together with your relationship, take time to involve your children in changes in living arrangements and hopes for the future.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Love
Guidance
Patience

Step 1

Give children their own space. When you set up home again with a new partner it is important that all the children have some privacy and a space they can claim as their own.
Step 2

Be patient – your children will need time to get to know and trust your new partner and their children.
Step 3

Listen to your children - even if the things they say are negative, it is important that they feel heard. Seek support for yourself if you find it hard to hear the things they say.
Step 4

Try to spend time alone with your child to reassure them your love for them has not changed.
Step 5

Make sure your child maintains a positive relationship with your ex spouse. Do not make your child the go between, and let your child know that it is okay to have a relationship with the new step parent and step siblings.
Step 6

Keep a fair approach to all the children – there will be arguments but try not to side with your children rather than your partner’s.

Tips & Warnings

Keep talking – with families joining together it is important to make time to listen to everyone’s views and see if there are new ways of doing things that will keep most people happy.
Allow children to be unhappy sometimes – it may be a new life for you and your new partner but for the children involved it will signal an end. Allow them time to grieve for the old way.
Involve older children in decisions around sharing two households; take their views into consideration when making future arrangements.
Be prepared – sometimes it may seem that young children have adapted easily to the change in their family but things may come up again when they hit their teens!

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