How to Tell if a Guy is Circumcised From Across a Bar

You're at the local bar checking the out the scene. A handsome guy takes a seat a few stools down. He orders his drink and starts casing the place just as you are. You make eye contact and you decide he has a nice smile. But wait! It's not time to approach him just yet. Here's how to decide if he's circumcised (that is, if he's Jewish).

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Notice how he's dressed. Quality shirt, jacket, slacks and shoes mean he's doing well for himself. A circumcised guy doesn't have to be a lawyer, doctor or businessmen unless he has a Jewish mother.
2. Pay attention to how picky he is at the bar. A man who looks through the pretzel bowl and frowns or constantly checks the status of the ice in his drink has a higher likelihood of being circumcised.
3. See if he's polite when he addresses the bartender. His mother didn't make all those sacrifices for his education so he would embarrass her in public.
4. Watch how guilty he looks when he bumps his elbow into the guy next to him. Any mother who fails to instill a perpetual sense of guilt in her children is ostracized by the Jewish community.
5. Make eye contact with him often. Jewish guys aren't commonly shy.
6. Note the expression on his face when he gazes at you. A look of guilty pleasure means he assumes you're not Jewish. Rebellion is essential to Jewish family dynamics.
7. Judge if he's neurotic. While most neuroses are subtle, a circumcised guy sitting at a bar will make his depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, phobias and/or personality disorder obvious.

Tips & Warnings

• Jewish men have wonderful things to offer a woman, so it's worth running him through these tests.
• Read "Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men" by Kristina Grish, because there's stuff there you'll need to know if it gets serious.
• Never wait for a circumcised guy to approach you at a bar. Once you've verified he's missing what he's supposed to be missing, nab him.