How to Handle the Remarriage of an Ex-Spouse
It's a reality in our society that many weddings are the first stop on the way to divorce court. But what do you do when your ex decides to take a trip down the aisle again with someone other than you? Here are some tips to help you get through the big day and the days afterward.
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Instructions
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See the wedding day for what it is: a painful time for you, a happy time for the new couple. Recognizing that the day will be difficult allows you to mourn for the ending of your marriage, even if you're really glad you're not the one standing with him at the altar!
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Remember that there should be no time limits imposed on you to grieve. If the news of your ex's remarriage brings you to tears, let them flow. This process takes time. Each person is different.
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Think long and hard before you consider attending the ex's wedding if you are invited. Will it be uncomfortable for you, the new bride, the children or the guests?
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Plan to spend the wedding day with friends who can give you support and help you cry and laugh together. Don't spend it alone, unless you enjoy misery.
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Prepare your children for the big change. If they have already formed opinions about the new step-parent, help them to see his side of it, as he assumes his role in the new family. Your heart may soften a little towards him as a result.
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Strive for continued good relations with your ex and the new step-parent for the children's sake. Your ex's remarriage means change for the kids as well. Openly discuss your new roles, including financial concerns, and try to work out potential conflicts.
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Cooperate with your ex and his new spouse, as hard as it may seem. The children will be able to adjust more easily if they see the parental figures in their lives getting along.
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Tips & Warnings
As you adjust to your ex moving on, consider that there may be someone new out there for you.
Don't say unbecoming things about your ex and the new spouse in front of the children. The children are looking to you to be a source of strength and solace, not a bitter person they no longer recognize. If you need to really let it all out, seek a trusted friend or a counselor who can help you through it.
Don't give in to the angry feelings. See your marriage for what it was, and accept your part in the divorce. Learn from what went wrong, and you might not make the same mistakes again.
