How to Co-Parent With an Irresponsible Parent

After a divorce or separation, there is often hostility and resentment between all parties involved. When there are children involved, it is necessary to communicate and attempt to co-parent in order to raise them as happy healthy individuals. Every parent wants to feel that their child is safe and well taken care of with the other parent, but what happens when that parent acts like one of the children. There are many ways to form a successful co-parenting relationship. Read on to learn how to co-parent with an irresponsible parent.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Schedule

1. Make a calendar that clearly marks the dates and times that each parent will have the child. Make one copy for the other parent and one for the day care provider. This will help to avoid confusion or forgetfulness regarding pick-up times or scheduled days.

2. Decide in advance how flexible you are willing to be. If the other parent is consistently late and this bothers you, explain to them the importance of them being on time. Make sure you stress how unfair it is to a child who is excitedly waiting to see them.

3. Advise the other parent how long you are willing to wait before their visit is forfeited. If repetitive, keep a detailed journal for your records. This will serve as a good record if a court order becomes necessary.

Communication

4. Discuss how you will communicate and how often. If the other parent is harassing or abusive, you may decide to speak only through letters, emails or text messaging. Set an appropriate time for communication.

5. Firmly set expectations with the other parent on what you feel is an acceptable interaction. If there are ongoing arguments, don't discuss things in front of your child. Place a phone call or text message when the child is not around.

6. Set clear expectations for communication. Do you want to be notified every time your child does something cute, or do you prefer only to be contacted in an emergency?

7. Remain calm and civil at all times even if the other parent is not. Become centered before an important conversation. Make a list of possible solutions prior to the conversation. Do not expect respect from the other parent but do not allow abuse.

8. Set up bi-monthly meetings in a public location with the other parent. Do not bring your child. Bring a list of subjects related to the child so you can cover everything. Keep discussions polite and related only to the child. If meetings become argumentative or hostile you may decide to set up visits with a family mediator.

Discipline

9. Recognize that no two parents will exercise discipline in the same manner. It is wise to communicate the discipline you have provided, but do not expect the other parent to follow the same guidelines.

10. Intervene with discipline only if it harmful to the child physically or emotionally. Abuse of any sort should not be tolerated.

11. Share your disciplinary methods with the other party and explain why you feel they are effective. Discuss the importance of consistency in discipline especially when dealing with young children.

Divide Responsibilities

12. Decide who will be responsible for clothing, education, medical and dental care, transportation and all other basic needs. Advise the other parent that you will not pick up their responsibilities should they fail to meet them. Do not allow yourself to be overburdened by taking on more than you can deal with or afford.

13. Decide what a true "need" is and what a "want" is for the child. Do not expect that the other party will want to provide more than what is needed.

14. If the other parent fails to meet the basic needs or is neglectful, do not allow your child to suffer. Keep a journal documenting the details and attempt to discuss the effects this has on your child with the other parent. If this is unsuccessful your notes will be helpful should family court intervention become necessary.

Tips & Warnings

• Remain polite but firm at all times. Remember to treat interactions much like a business transaction.
• Keep personal feelings or hostilities to yourself. These have no place in a co-parenting relationship.
• Redirect any inappropriate conversations. Remind the other party that discussions must be focused on the child.

[lasay]

on 6/27/2009 This is a wonderful article and I needed to know how to deal because I am in a similar situation as of now....