How to Ask Someone to be a Pallbearer

The somber occasion of a funeral requires the highest level of personal sensitivity with regard to planning. Deciding upon who should be asked to stand as a pallbearer is just one of the many difficult tasks for family members organizing the funeral, more importantly, deciding exactly how to broach the subject with a potential pallbearer is tough. What follows are some steps to help the funeral organizer ask someone to be a pallbearer.

Instructions

1. Take into account traditional protocol and etiquette in pallbearer selection. In most instances, families choose friends, relatives, business associates or church members. These should be the first choice. However, if you would prefer, you can ask the funeral director to provide pallbearers.

2. Select six pallbearers. This is the customary number used in most funerals. If you do not have six persons to select from, you can ask the funeral director to supply additional pallbearers to assist.

3. Ask the person to be a pallbearer by phoning them or sending them a brief letter or e-mail. If you are in charge of handling the arrangements, you should simply decide which method of communication is most convenient and comfortable for both you and the recipient of the pallbearer request. Sometimes, written communiqués are easier because grief stifles our ability to speak well.

4. Consider family needs when selecting the pallbearer. For instance, you might not want to have someone in the immediate family serve in this capacity because the bereaved spouse will need immediate family to support them during the funeral. Being a pallbearer would separate them from the rest of the family during the service making it impossible to fulfill this need.

5. Offer transportation to the pallbearers. Having a car pick them up would simply be a lovely courtesy and a sign of respect for them. It will also give them time, along the drive, to reflect on the solemn duties at hand.