How to Confront Passive Aggression
Of all the workplace dangers, none is quite so insidious as the passive aggressive coworker. This specimen of office-dweller appears helpful and friendly on the surface, luring you into a false sense of security. But when you least suspect it, you find that she withheld important information, dropped the ball on a commitment or said damaging things behind your back. Here are some tips for taking the venom out of passive aggressive behavior.
Other People Are Reading
Instructions
-
-
1
Keep a record of your coworker's comments and commitments. This can be as simple as a quick email or memo that summarizes your interactions. Or, have a third party present when you discuss important issues. Hard evidence makes it much easier to confront passive aggressive behavior.
-
2
Speak up immediately. If you suspect that your coworker attempted to sabotage you, address him as soon as you can find time to talk. You need to establish that you find his passive aggressive behavior unacceptable before a troubling pattern develops.
-
-
3
Stick to the facts. Point out the passive aggressive behavior directly and without emotion. For instance, if your coworker talked unfavorably about your work performance behind your back, you might say, "You told people that I am doing a poor job. I'm sorry you didn't choose to confront me directly."
-
4
Keep the lines of communication open. Let your coworker know that you would welcome hearing her honest opinions, even if they are negative. Point out that disagreements are natural, and even healthy when openly discussed. Ask her directly if she is angry or intimidated.
-
5
Confirm that you will be paying attention to your coworker's actions in the future. End the conversation by letting him know that you will hold him accountable for any future passive aggressive behavior. Tell him that you look forward to seeing positive results from your work together. Stress the benefits of a win-win work relationship.
-
1
Tips & Warnings
Be persistent when confronting passive aggression. It might take your coworker several tries before she realizes that you are just not going to accept her behavior. Of course, if she is truly trying to sabotage you, get outside help.
Don't get angry when confronting passive aggressive behavior. Often, passive aggressive people act just within the boundaries of acceptable behavior and then act surprised if you explode. Put on a calm face even if you are seething, and let your coworker know that you will not take the bait.
More Like This
Comments
-
kafkasrecruit
Apr 07, 2010
I disagree that any of these tactics will change such a bully's behavior. Plus, it assumes the cost and lost productivity from having to document and protect oneself against it is acceptable overhead. So, it's costly to have to deal with it as suggested and it's usually unsuccessful when addressed by a single targeted individual. The only way to change it is to prevent it. And, the only way to prevent it is to establish policies and procedures to address and eradicate it. Finally, the only incentive for developing enforceable policies against it is to make repeated, intentional abuse like this illegal for both employers to allow or sanction and illegal for their agents (passive-aggressive employees) to practice in the course of business with fair affirmative defenses for the employer and fair recovery for damages suffered by the targeted employee. -
centurion
Mar 06, 2009
(continued) Usually, however, passive aggressive behavior is more subtle and has no witnesses, such as your example involving deliberately missed deadlines, withholding information, etc. If you try to confront someone about those things, or try to address it with the person's supervisor, the perpetrator can turn the tables, play the victim, and suggest that you are just making it up, that you are paranoid, or at the least that you have no proof. Then it is you who appears to be the problem. What are some ways that the target of passive aggressive behavior can effectively confront the perpetrator? Because I'm one passive aggressive jab away from beating one of my coworkers to a pulp. I'd rather resolve it and keep my job.
-
centurion
Mar 06, 2009
(continued) Usually, however, passive aggressive behavior is more subtle and has no witnesses, such as your example involving deliberately missed deadlines, withholding information, etc. If you try to confront someone about those things, or try to address it with the person's supervisor, the perpetrator can turn the tables, play the victim, and suggest that you are just making it up, that you are paranoid, or at the least that you have no proof. Then it is you who appears to be the problem. What are some ways that the target of passive aggressive behavior can effectively confront the perpetrator? Because I'm one passive aggressive jab away from beating one of my coworkers to a pulp. I'd rather resolve it and keep my job.
-
centurion
Mar 06, 2009
In point 5, you suggest letting the coworker know that you will hold him accountable. I would be interested to hear explanations of how to hold someone accountable for behavior that they can deny. The point of passive aggressive behavior is that it is a way for a person to express aggression without the risk of being held accountable for it. Both parties know what is happening - that's the point of it from the perpetrator's standpoint - but since the perpetrator can simply deny the victim's interpretation or accusation, and the victim usually cannot prove that the behavior was intentional or aggressive, finding a way to confront the perpetrator can be very difficult. In some situations, such as the one you mention in which the coworker has said bad things about you behind your back, there is a clear action and there are witnesses. That is easy to confront. Usually, however, passive aggre
-
centurion
Mar 06, 2009
In point 5, you suggest letting the coworker know that you will hold him accountable. I would be interested to hear explanations of how to hold someone accountable for behavior that they can deny. The point of passive aggressive behavior is that it is a way for a person to express aggression without the risk of being held accountable for it. Both parties know what is happening - that's the point of it from the perpetrator's standpoint - but since the perpetrator can simply deny the victim's interpretation or accusation, and the victim usually cannot prove that the behavior was intentional or aggressive, finding a way to confront the perpetrator can be very difficult. In some situations, such as the one you mention in which the coworker has said bad things about you behind your back, there is a clear action and there are witnesses. That is easy to confront. Usually, however, passive aggre
