How to Compromise

Compromise is a learned behavior, one that is peculiarly human. We are verbal and social, and so in lieu of the "dog eat dog" tenet of the wild, we use compromise as a survival technique. Compromise often results in creative solutions. It signals a willingness to work together.

Instructions

1. Set aside any feelings of self-righteousness, arrogance or uncertainty. The defensive tendencies are inherent and must be offset before compromise can begin. Avoid insults, belittling and diminishing the other party. Avoid words like "always" and "never."

2. Be motivated to reach a mutually beneficial solution. Both parties must have the same goal. Have all the facts and know what you're talking about.

3. Start by asking the other person what she would like to see happen. Don't rely on assumptions. Whether it's a salary negotiation, a discussion of what to have for dinner or a decision of what color to paint the living room, this technique works well. The content of the compromise is irrelevant to the process.

4. Prioritize and be flexible. Know what is essential to both and what is an achievable outcome to each of you. Remember that flexibility is not a loss of face or power.

5. Know that choices make everyone feel less victimized. Knowledge allows for a host of alternatives.