How to Talk to a Parent's Doctor

Health concerns are more prevalent as our parents age. Talking to the doctor of your elderly parent can help, especially when he gets confused about timelines and medications. Adult children walk a fine line, however, between interfering and being helpful.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Medical power of attorney
• Official permission from your parents

1. Get permission. An elderly parent can be quite capable of managing her own relationship with her doctors. Privacy laws and standards prevent doctors from talking to you unless you have parents' permission.
2. Organize official documents. You may require a medical power of attorney to make decisions, if necessary.
3. Establish a relationship with the doctor. This can be through a phone call, letter or a private word while accompanying your parent to an appointment. Give the doctor your contact information.
4. Keep notes and share them with the doctor. For instance, write down information about dizzy spells with time of day, activity leading up to the spell and what your elderly parent had to eat or drink.
5. Establish a relationship with the support staff at the doctor's office. It often has answers and can get you in touch with the doctor, if necessary.
6. Ask your elderly parent questions. If you live in another city or don't see him every day, get updates on a regular basis. This takes some careful probing.
7. Request information from your local aging agency on privacy laws and practices.

Tips & Warnings

• Dignity is important. You know your elderly parent best, but don't talk to the doctor as if she isn't in the room. Do it privately, if at all possible.
• Be patient. This is your payback to your parents for patience during your teenage years.
• Understand the health insurance and the way the doctors' practice functions so you can maneuver your way through it.
• Stick with it. This is no different from your own health care. Demand answers.
• A phone call or letter stating concerns or providing information is still possible without permission from your parent or a medical power of attorney. The doctor's response, though, may be limited because of privacy laws.
• Depending on your elderly parent's generation, there can be a reluctance on his part to challenge a doctor or ask questions. Practice diplomacy.