How to Talk to Children About Illness
When a family member is ill, children often become what one psychologist termed "shadow children." They know something is wrong, but their parents won't tell them what it is. They feel confused, stressed and neglected. Although telling children the truth is difficult, they often cope much better than if they're shielded from it.
- Difficulty:
- Moderately Challenging
Instructions
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1
Take your time, go step by step, and admit when you don't know the answer to a question.
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2
Consider what the child is capable of understanding. Very young children can only comprehend what's going on at the moment, and they need to have explanations repeated often.
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3
Remember that children often blame themselves and feel guilty about things that aren't their fault. Make it clear that the child's parent didn't become ill because the child misbehaved or that a sibling didn't become ill because the children fought.
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4
Tell the truth as far as you're able. If the sick person might die, for example, telling the child it isn't definite but is a possibility gives him or her time to prepare for this eventuality. Assure your child that no matter what happens, he or she will be loved and cared for.
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5
Let the child know what's going on as it's happening. Even small children sense when something isn't right, and the uncertainty of not knowing what's happening is very stressful to the child. The child may work out his or her own explanation for events, and be plagued for years by false beliefs.
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6
Watch for changes in your child's behavior. Some children may begin to misbehave while others are suddenly extremely well-behaved. Both are indications that you need to talk with your child about what he or she is thinking and feeling.
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7
Be aware that adolescents may have more difficulty coping with an illness than younger children because they feel the need to stay close to home when they should be striving for independence from their parents.
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1
Tips & Warnings
Ask the doctor if he or she knows of someone who can be present when you tell your child of the illness and help answer questions.
Let your child's teacher know about the illness so he or she can look for signs that your child is having difficulty coping.
Don't expect your child to take on too much her age. If a family member is ill, parents may be grateful when a child seems to suddenly grow up, become helpful around the house and turn into a model student, but this neglects the emotional needs of a well-behaved child who could then have problems years later.
Avoid trying to tell the child everything at once. The younger the child is, the more talks you need to have.
