How to Be Corrupt

For some, corruption comes easily. Lying, abusing power and sacrificing the good of society for personal gain are done with the natural skill and dexterity of a gifted athlete. Others find these acts painful and even repulsive. But, all skills can be learned.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Watch "Al Capone." You can begin your corruption training by watching "Al Capone," a 1959 movies starring Rod Steiger. Capone is one of corruption's icons--ultimately corrupt as a person and capable of corrupting everyone around him.
2. Read Michael Kinsley's Friday, April 2, 2005 article, "Business as Usual: Corrupt" in the Washington Post archives. It describes the pervasiveness of corruption, concluding that it has become an accepted part of government--"Just don't get caught."
3. Learn the various types of corrupt behavior--bribery, theft, embezzlement, blackmail, collusion, overt cronyism, patronage and nepotism, kickbacks, and manipulation of others through physical or psychological abuse. Decide which of these tools will best match your abilities.
4. Read Robert Penn Warren's "All the King's Men," a fictional depiction of the rule of Huey Long, a corrupt governor of Louisiana, who almost rose to national power. As you progress through the book, note how your own tools of corruption can be used.
5. Begin to document corrupt behavior at your place of work. Study how effective they may or may not be. Keep a list of the activities, not only as a learning tool but also for possible future use.
6. Decide upon a reasonable goal that can only be obtained through corrupt behavior. Examples would be obtaining a promotion by destroying the credibility of your competition, small time embezzlement through altered travel records, or collusion with a supplier to your company for your own personal gain.
7. Having once stepped into the pool of corrupt behavior, progressively immerse yourself deeper and deeper. Associate with those you know to be corrupt. As you gain power and riches, embrace them openly. Begin to derive pleasure from not only what you can gain but also from how you feel elevated over others.