How to Be Platonic

Here's the scenario: you become good friends with someone, only to realize that this person is everything you've ever wanted. You reveal your true feelings and hear, "Let's not jeopardize our friendship." You now must cool your jets or destroy the whole relationship. You have officially become a platonic friend. Here are some tips on how to maintain that status.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Develop a sense of humor in the face of irony, as you are bound to hear the classic, "Why can't I find someone like you?" Just lend a sympathetic ear as they drone on about their bad luck in love. Resist the urge to point out the fact that YOU are someone like you.
2. Brace yourself for the day that your friend meets "the most amazing person." As a platonic friend, your reaction should be one of the utmost happiness. This may require an Oscar-caliber performance on your part. Any signs of disapproval will boot you away from the sidelines, where you must lurk and wait for signs of meltdown.
3. Keep alcohol consumption to a minimum to avoid loose lips. When drinking alone, hide your cellphone where you won't easily retrieve it. There is nothing like a drunk dialing to cry in his beer over the phone to seal your fate.
4. Find a subtle way to point out any red flags in your friend's new relationship. Tact is key here. Avoid obvious lines like "You are much too good for (him or her)."
5. Resign to the fact that you will be recruited for any and all activities that your friend's new love expresses no interest in. This will include gift shopping. Since you're the same sex as the lover, your friend will want your opinion. "Do you think (he or she) will like this?" Resist the urge to say "Yes" to a gift you know the lover will hate.
6. Avoid the temptation to be the rebound person should your friend's relationship fall apart. Being "Mr. or Ms. Right Now" seldom results in happily ever after. This is your time to shine as an ever-vigilant shoulder to cry on. Bide your time and allow your friend to heal.
7. Prepare yourself for the fact that you may always be "just a friend." Decide if you can tolerate this situation. If not, consider disassociating yourself. If you do value the friendship enough to forgo romantic feelings, do what is necessary to let those feelings go.