How to Keep From Killing Annoying In-Laws

Your father-in-law asks again why you don't spend more time in the kitchen, and your mother-in-law refers to the time before you were married as "the happier days." Stop calculating body-weight to trunk-capacity ratios and breathe. Dealing with in-laws is part of married life. They aren't going away anytime soon, at least not without jail time for you, so you might as well get along with them.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

You and Your Spouse

1. Put your family first. Don't let parental influence interfere with your relationships with your spouse or children. Keep loyal to the family you have created together.
2. Talk to your spouse about what role you each see your parents playing in your life, and what you don't want to see. Try to come to an agreement about what is acceptable and what isn't. For example, do you expect to spend every holiday with them? Do you accept loans from them or give loans to them? Some things may be non-negotiable for your spouse. Try to accept those terms and move on; don't let this conversation be a catalyst for a fight.
3. Bite your tongue instead of criticizing your spouse's parents or his relationship with them. Maybe it is a little weird that your mother-in-law wants to know about your husband's bowel movements, but hey, that's their relationship.
4. Make a pact with your spouse. Problems between the two of you need to stay between the two of you. Of course your mother will hate your wife if you call her every time you have a spat. As long as your issues are typical marital frustrations like wet towels on the floor and not in the realm of abuse, solve the issues yourselves. Be grown-ups.
5. Step in if your father is driving your spouse crazy. Whoever the parents belong to should mediate.

You and Yourself

6. Come to terms with your frustration. Know that a weekend at your in-laws' is probably going to have moments of irritation and annoyance. Become one with the frustration. Setting the expectations low for the visit might give you peace of mind and take the pressure off you so you're not aiming for the perfect family memory.
7. Have a plan. Keep the in-laws busy with activities or photo albums. Let them help in the kitchen if they're at your house; if you're visiting them volunteer to wash dishes or go pick up the milk. Anything you can do to keep things moving along will be helpful.
8. Stay positive. Jumping at every little thing and being overly judgmental is going to make you miserable. Take it all in stride. Your spouse will appreciate it.
9. Spend time alone with the in-law who drives you the craziest (but keep away from sharp objects or cliff edges). Use the time to try to connect with her. Making the effort can go a long way. It may not solve all the problems, but it might alleviate the tension for awhile.
10. Walk away, take a break, whatever you need to do to keep your cool. If your in-laws are trying to convert you again, your mother-in-law is re-folding your husband's underwear and your sister-in-law keeps asking you if it's baby time yet, excuse yourself. Make up any excuse. Exercise, work, feeling tired, need to shower, you think you just heard the phone, whatever it takes to get away from the moment and regroup.
11. Laugh about it. Laughing with them will give you a chance to bond, laughing about them at home privately will keep you sane.

Tips & Warnings

• Stay calm and be the adult. Remember that your in-laws most likely are saying or doing something they feel is helpful. They don't know it's driving you crazy unless you tell them that what they do hurts your feelings.