How to Avoid the Mistletoe at an Office Party

The holidays have rolled around once again and along with the turkey and tinsel is the inevitable office holiday party. While you and your coworkers enjoy eggnog and hors d'oeuvres, some not-so-sexy office mates may be lurking around the mistletoe. Use these tips for avoiding the mistletoe and you should be safe.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Locate the mistletoe immediately upon entering the room. Shrug off the friendly hellos of coworkers and resist the urge to attack the buffet. Your first priority is to find which corner the little devil is hanging in.
2. Sneeze and blow your nose frequently. Ask potential mistletoe enthusiasts for tissues and cough drops. Make it as obvious as possible that you are "ill" and terribly contagious. Try to refrain from actually spreading germs everywhere, as no one will want to talk to you.
3. Mention that your religion prohibits casual kissing. You are going through a deep spiritual journey and office party mistletoe is strictly forbidden.
4. Plant yourself in one place. Unless you absolutely have to use the restroom, don't move. There's no need to mingle at an office party. Mingling just leads to unintended placement under the mistletoe. Draw conversations to you, demand attention and if anyone asks you why you haven't moved all night, tell them how absorbed you've been in the delightful conversation.
5. Sacrifice a friend. Find the office mate who is willing to work the mistletoe and stand behind her all night. Think of your coworker as your mistletoe shield.

Tips & Warnings

• If you find yourself under the mistletoe with an office mate, reach up unassumingly and take it down. Explain that you suffer from arthritis and high blood pressure and mistletoe is used to treat both conditions. Ask sweetly if they wouldn't mind if you took it home for healing purposes.
• On occasion, you may find yourself trapped by the coworker who tries to back you into a corner under the mistletoe. He will do this by standing very close to you, causing you to move a few steps back. The coworker repeats this action until you are perfectly placed under the mistletoe. If you notice someone starting to get close to you, step forward instead of backward. You will surprise your office mate with this counterintuitive action, and he will back off.

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