How to Live With an Ex-Spouse

The divorce rate in the United States is well above 50 percent. Many people face the hardship and pain associated with the loss of a spouse. Sometimes couples reconcile after divorce and choose to live together again. Sometimes living with your ex-spouse is a financial necessity even after the divorce. Living with an ex-spouse presents obvious obstacles. If children are involved, the decision to live together carries major consequences.

Instructions

1. Seek counseling before co-habitating. Locate a marriage counselor. If you are already living together after reuniting, move out and live separately. It makes the situation more like dating and makes things less confusing if there are children involved.

2. Determine the motivation for reconciliation if you are indeed getting back together. Discuss why it is necessary to reunite. Create a win-win situation for your ex-spouses' emotional stability through verbalizing your feelings. Analyze strengths and weaknesses of the relationship and rekindle your initial attraction for one another.

3. Establish new boundaries. Your break-up and divorce indicates boundaries were broken. Consider all the issues leading to the demise of the relationship the first time around. Balance the bad memories with loving memories and ways the relationship was positive.

4. Allow a significant amount of time apart to heal old wounds. Time can cause painful memories to dissipate. Maintain a minimum of 6 months living single. Attend counseling regularly before moving in together. Assess past problems and conflicts. Try to resolve them in therapy under the guidance of a licensed professional.

5. Loose all expectations for the relationship and have fun together. Begin your journey again with the focus of enjoying each other's presence. Compliment one another daily and express gratitude for your ex-spouse.

6. Communicate with complete honesty. Set a time to make a final decision about reconciliation. Agree to respect your partner's decision. Love the other person more than yourself and accept their choice to move forward with or without you.

7. Grant your ex-spouse a clean slate. Forgive one another and forgive yourself. Allow the past pain, hurt and sadness to lose its control of your emotions. Let the old memories die by consciously choosing to let go of the past.

8. Create a strategy to win at love this time. Plan on the relationship's success despite the odds against your triumph. Spend quality time building your new foundation. Make new memories together filled with love and support for one another.

Tips & Warnings

• Broken trust is difficult to overcome. A healthy relationship must have trust, respect, loyalty and unconditional love in order to succeed.

• Do not return to an abusive ex-spouse without the approval of a professional therapist or counselor.

Resources

• Find step by step instructions for ex-spouses reconciling their relationship.