How to Behave in a School Library

Everyone knows the school librarian is one of the scariest people on the planet. The school librarian insists on absolute silence, perfect behavior, clean hands and that all patrons have the Dewey Decimal System memorized. There are several things you can do to know how to behave in the school library. Learn the techniques so you can visit the school library without angering the librarian.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Practice absolute silence. Research the silent lifestyle of Trappist monks who live most of their lives in silence. Practice in preparation for your trip to the school library.
2. Control yourself. Resist the urge to touch any of the books and leave the books on the shelves. Be content and find fulfillment from reading the titles on the spines.
3. Sterilize your hands. Be prepared for the ultimate honor of taking a book off the shelves and have clean hands. Prepare a solution of one part bleach, one part hot water and one part rubbing alcohol and soak your hands in this solution before entering the library.
4. Enjoy a book. If you are allowed to take a book off the shelves, make the most of the experience. Enjoy the book because you may not be allowed to use more than one book at a time. Read the title page and the table of contents. Remember the information on the book's spine so you know where to find the book again.
5. Learn the Dewey Decimal System. There are librarians who only allow entrance into the library by those who have memorized the Dewey Decimal System. Make index cards of the 100 divisions within the system and practice remembering them in your spare time.

Tips & Warnings

• Never say you don't like to read within a three mile radius of a school librarian. The results can be devastating.