How to Let Go When a Child Leaves for College

Empty nest syndrome once afflicted parents when their children left for college. Today, "helicopter parenting" is the new term for parents who hover and refuse to let go. But going to college marks a transition kids as they begin their final steps into adulthood and away from their parents. Follow these steps to let go of your new college student.

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

1. Make certain you are available during the weeks before your child moves away. Although she may not act like it, she probably feels anxious about this new stage of life.

2. Cry and cry some more. You are experiencing a loss, the loss of a child who no longer needs you to take care of everything. Allow yourself to grieve.

3. Establish communication guidelines. Just because communication tools are more readily available than ever doesn't mean you should stay in constant contact. Let your son or daughter initiate contact most of the time, but don't hesitate to pick up the phone or peck on the keyboard if it's been a while. Kids need to know that parents care.

4. Nix micromanagement of your child's life. He can choose his own class schedule, balance his own checkbook and correct his own papers. Young adults can't be independent until they make decisions for themselves.

5. Allow your child to accept the consequences of her actions. Not balancing a checkbook leads to an overdrawn account with extra fees, not to mention the embarrassment of taking care of hot checks. Sleeping instead of going to class may mean missing a key lecture that affects your child's final grades. Kids this age learn more from their failures than from anything parents say.

6. Remain calm if you receive a call from an upset child. College students occasionally need to vent their frustrations. Who better to listen than Mom or Dad? Remind yourself that your child probably feels better after hanging up even if you don't.

7. Realize that the process of letting go starts as soon as your child takes her first step. Parents supply children with new responsibilities and privileges as they grow older. Leaving home for college is another part of the process, just like walking, eating independently and driving.

Tips & Warnings

• Talk to others who have let go of their kids. No one understands like another parent.

• Many colleges have parent-liaison offices to assist parents in maintaining proper boundaries. Ask your child's college admissions office to recommend good books and other resources for managing the transition..

• Find other things to do with your time instead of worry, including hobbies, volunteering, travel and creative projects.