How to Ask a Lover to Move In

Sharing a home with a lover can bring you closer together, cementing the strong relationship you already have and creating more intimacy. It's a change to consider carefully, though, because your idealized vision may not map to reality. Before you ask a lover to move in, make sure it is the right choice for both of you.

Instructions

Deciding to Move in Together

1. Discuss your ideas about the future with your lover. If you have a good idea about each other's expectations, a desire to move in together won't come as a surprise.

2. Determine why you want to live with your lover. If your main reason is that you are hoping to save some money by combining your households, it's not yet time to move in. If you want to make your relationship more permanent and spend more time together, it may be time to ask your lover to move in.

3. Make sure you're both ready for the commitment of living together. If you're still in the early stages of your relationship, living together may seem romantic, but you're likely to have a highly idealized perspective about what it entails.

4. Consider whether you are compatible. You may be compatible personalities, but if you hope to move in together, you also have to be compatible housemates. Think about your attitudes towards pets, cleanliness, cooking habits, social time and solitude. If any of these areas seem incompatible, hold off on moving in together.

Asking the Question

1. Plan a romantic dinner out. Make reservations at her favorite restaurant and dress up for an evening out.

2. Ask the question. Tell your lover how much he means to you, and share your hopes for the future. Ask him if he would like to move in together, linking it to your desires for your future as a couple.

3. Accept and discuss the answer. If your lover wants to move in, order a bottle of champagne to celebrate and begin talking about logistics. If your lover says she doesn't want to move in, don't try to convince her that it's the right thing to do. Instead, find out why she doesn't want to move in. Be prepared to discuss marriage at this point if your lover is marriage-minded.

4. Bring up moving in again later if your partner was against it the first time. A rejection of your proposal doesn't mean your lover won't want to move in with you in the future. Make it a point of discussion throughout your relationship if you feel like it is the best step for both of you.

Tips & Warnings

• Depending on your partner's individual style, you might want to propose moving in together in a private setting.