How to Negotiate with a Teen

With a teenager in your house, you'll have lots of chances to sharpen your negotiation skills. Negotiation gives you an opportunity to settle disputes by turning a potential conflict into a win-win solution for everyone. Even if you don't see eye-to-eye, with negotiation you will be able to talk about hot subjects without getting heated.

Things You'll Need

• A willingness to understand another perspective

Instructions

1. Commit to Listening
   Commit yourself to listening to your teen's point of view. Pause before you respond so that you can consider what they're asking and needing. Say to your teen, "Let's talk about this hot subject with out getting heated."

2. Stop Yelling
   If everyone is screaming, take a 30 minute time out, so that everyone can cool off. Say to your teen: "I want to give you my full attention, so let's take a time out and meet back here in 30 minutes."

3. Tell your Teen: "I want to understand your point of view."
   Memorize this sentence and repeat it often. Ask them, "Are you willing to help me understand?"

4. Say to your Teen: "I want to find a solution that works for both of us." Memorize this sentence and use it often. You will be surprised how well it works in a negotiation.

5. Calmly Share your Point of View
   Ask your teen, "Would you be willing to listen to my perspective?" Take deep breaths, speak slowly and stay unruffled. Just because a teen is agitated during negotiation doesn't mean that you have to be agitated. Set the example of clam negotiation. It takes lots of practice but you both can do it.

6. Avoid Lectures
   Most of us don't listen when lectured too. Replace lectures with a reasonable request such as: "In order for me to agree to what you want, this is what I need from you."

7. Eliminate Ultimatums
   Replace, "You can't do that," with "Would you be willing to do this?" Keep working on the negotiation until you arrive at a solution that give each of you a win. Strive for a win-win solution.