How to Communicate with your Teen.

Many parents feel that communicating with their teen is like pulling teeth. They are baffled when their cheerful, chatty child turns into a tongue-tied or argumentative teenager. So how do you keep the conversation going? Your teen has a growing need for privacy. They may find their thoughts and feelings confusing, so it's hardly surprising they want to keep things to themselves. They are sorting things out in their own mind, not rejecting you. Don't be upset if your teenager sometimes acts as though you're the most embarrassing person on the planet - this is very common and doesn't mean they don't love you.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. * Take your cue from your teenager - there's absolutely no point saying you want to talk, when he's rushing to get ready for a night out
   * Try to spend time alone with your teenager and go out somewhere if there aren't any opportunities at home.
   * Share information about what's going on in your life, but only for as long as your teen seems interested
   * Use open questions that don't just need a yes or no response. For example, "How did the music lesson go?" rather than "Did you have a good day?"
   * Don't use a chat as an excuse to nag or tell off
2. * Never put him down for his views or ideas, he needs your approval
   * Treat your teenager with respect, much as you would another adult
   * It's better to negotiate a solution than enforce your demands, so don't say "I want your room cleaned up tonight," but "I'm getting really upset at the state of your room. When do you think you can tidy it up?"
   * No matter how well-intentioned your advice, your teenager's probably not going to be keen to take it, so what's important is paying careful attention and giving him a chance to talk
   * Use all the opportunities you can to communicate - for example, driving somewhere often leads to great conversations
3. * Show you're genuinely interested when your teenager tells you things and stop what you're doing to listen
   * Don't overreact or fly off the handle if you don't like what you hear
   * Don't score points - like all of us, teenagers don't like being put down
   * Don't try to impose your ideas - he'll inevitably reject what you have to offer
   * Don't make snap judgments - listen to your teen before you jump to conclusions

Tips & Warnings

• Listening can be the most effective tool to help you communicate with your teen. You can help your teen arrive at a solution by clarifying feelings and considering problems more rationally. Listening requires practice, but if you use this tool, it will be easier for your teen to talk to you. Here are some great Listening Tips...
• Be attentive.
• Encourage talk.
• Empathize.
• Listen with respect.