How to Bring Children to a Funeral

Children grieve the loss of a loved one, and it can be confusing to a parent whether or not they should allow children to attend a funeral. Here is some advice that can help you decide if it's appropriate and if your child is ready.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Consider if your child is ready to attend a funeral. Many families have children attend, but it's important that the child is ready to accept and understand that certain behavior will be expected of them, such as sitting quietly and behaving during the services.
2. Talk to your child. Explain the process of the funeral, such as the funeral home visitation, wake, cemetery services or events that reflect your family's or friends' belief systems. Talk to your child about their feelings on the subject. Some children may not want to attend. Many experts believe that exposing your children to funerals will help them have a healthy and realistic attitude about death. Children need to grieve and find closure, and this can help.
3. Answer questions. Your child will probably have questions about death, and while you won't have all the answers, it's important to get feelings out in the open. This could be difficult and emotional, depending on how close your child is to the deceased.
4. Prepare your child for what they will experience. Explain the funeral home setup or the burial service and tell them that the casket may be open. Many experts suggest giving your child the option of seeing the deceased person up close. Telling your child that people will likely be crying and upset is important. Tell your child that it's normal to be upset.
5. Stay close to your child at the funeral home to provide support. Your child could also find relatives of a similar age to sit with. Guide children through the process, such as showing photographs, signing their names in the guest book and greeting family members or friends.

Tips & Warnings

• Encourage your child to share happy memories of the deceased at or after the funeral. Explain that part of the process of saying goodbye is remembering the person fondly.
• Suggest that your child write a letter or poem to help say goodbye to the loved one. This can be read at the funeral home or placed with flowers at the casket.
• Many funeral homes offer free, helpful brochures to help you explain the funeral process and death to your child.
• Some family members may disagree with bringing children to a funeral. Avoid arguments at this high-stress time and simply do what you feel is best for your child and your family.
• Think twice about bringing high-energy, boisterous children who cannot behave appropriately at a solemn occasion. If you bring a child and they cannot cope, consider leaving quietly. It may be appropriate to have a backup plan for child care if your child does not cope well at the funeral.