How to Avoid Family During the Holidays

Most people complain about family stress during the holidays, yet they keep going back for more. This year, try a new approach. Avoid your family during the holidays and cut back on the stress that comes with those crowded gatherings.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Schedule all year's worth of your to-do list during the holidays. Have painters, plumbers, fencers, roof people, floor people, carpet people, and landscaping people coming by everyday. That means no holiday get-togethers at your place, darn it. And you can't leave the workers alone, so maybe next year, Aunt Sue.
2. Go on a vacation, alone. If you dread the interaction with your family over the holidays, get out of the state, or better yet, out of the country. Use this time to relax and get in touch with your stress-free self. Who can blame someone for going to Fiji instead of dinner at Grandma's?
3. Plan other non-holiday activities before the holidays. Spend October taking your mom to the matinee on Sundays. Go see grandparents for a couple of weekends during the summer. If you make an appearance throughout the year, especially right before the holidays, it will relieve some of your stress by avoiding family during that festive time, and it will be easier on them as well.
4. Give great gifts. If you mail massage gift certificates or TiVos in advance, people will be more likely to forgive your absence. They won't realize you are intentionally avoiding them. To do this properly, you may need to save up all year.
5. Take on a second job, preferably one that requires long hours during the holiday season, like a retail job. You could play Santa for the local mall, but you take the risk of family showing up and taking pictures on your lap.
6. Be honest. Explain that holidays aren't your cup of tea, and you prefer to keep away from large, loud, fight-infested gatherings. Offer to make it up in January. Make sure to explain to your family that it is not their fault, then buy them expensive jewelry and sports equipment to bribe them from disowning you.
7. Fake the flu, if all else fails. Or tuberculosis, bird flu or anything else highly contagious. Lock yourself in your house with the blinds closed, watching reruns of Seinfeld until January.