How to Encourage a College Student to Communicate

Out of sight and out of mind may seem to be the attitude your college age son or daughter has. It is important to you and to your offspring student to communicate. Whether your child is a freshman or a senior, establishing a communication pattern now can last well into the adult years.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Set a time for a weekly phone call. Especially with a freshman college student, schedule a time during the week that works for both of you, remembering that an early weekend morning does not work well in a college schedule.

2. Keep the wired generation in mind. College students now grow up with email, instant messaging and cell phone texts. Send emails or install an instant message program to chat online.

3. Listen. Your college student may have a lot to say one time and very little the next time, but always listen to both the trivial and the important.

4. Respond with support and a calm voice. A panic phone call after a bad midterm exam is pure emotion, and you do not help the situation if you get upset as well. Answers come more readily with questions phrased in a positive tone.

5. Stay a few steps back. You may want to communicate with your college student much more than they want to talk to you. Make sure you have some regular communication. Insist on it if you need to, but try hard not to hover.

6. Use real mail. "Thinking of you" items make a college student feel good and encourage communication in return. Send a card, a little gift or a box of cookies. College administrators say students love getting real mail.

Tips & Warnings

• A long email or discussion about the ins and outs of your own life might not get much response. Remember your college student is totally immersed in his or her own life, so keep your message short and then communicate more details if your child asks.
• If a pattern of avoiding communication seems different or out of character, take action. Talk to the resident advisor first.

Resources

• The University of Iowa offers communication tips online.
• The National Association for College Admission Counselling has communication ideas.