How to Date a Goth

So, you want to go to the dark side and snag a goth sweetheart. Tap into your self-loathing, start writing gloomy poetry, add a little hair dye, foster an anemic complexion, and voila! You're in the running to attract the deepest, darkest, most misunderstood goth partner around.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Black hair dye
• Face powder
• Black or red lipstick
• Black or red nail polish
• Black clothing
• Black eyeliner
• Dark, dismal music
• Anne Rice novels

1. Rename yourself. Pick a spooky, weird name like Crow or Tarantula.
2. Dye your hair black.
3. Go out only at night to ensure your complexion is as pale as possible. Too dark complected? Apply some light face powder. The whiter, the better to contrast with your black hair.
4. Apply dark red or black lipstick and matching nail polish to go with your new cadaverous complexion.
5. Pull on some fishnet stockings, which aren't just for girls anymore. Sure, wear them on your legs. But you can also slip them over your head or cut the legs and feet off and wear them like on your arms.
6. Collect some sad, pathetic music and play it many times until you actually feel the lyrics running through your cooled veins. Marilyn Manson and Sisters of Mercy are good choices.
7. Read all the Anne Rice novels you can get your hands on, and decorate your room with a few hobbits and gargoyles.
8. Find a date online at Gothic Love Online or Goth Date Link . Or just hang out at the mall looking forlorn and bitter. Some other woefully misunderstood goth soul is bound to sweep his or her black duster in your direction.

Tips & Warnings

• When dying your hair, avoid touching your skin. You'll leave black fingerprints and end up looking more like a weird mechanic than a goth.