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Step 1
Show instead of tell. If your sitter consistently sees you using inappropriate language, talking on your cell phone or watching TV while the kids play, she is going to think you are OK with her doing the same. Set a standard by modeling appealing behavior.
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Step 2
Make the correction part of a group effort. Instead of asking her not to let your child play video games all night long, let her know that you are trying to limit your child's video game playing in general and ask if she could help you out by encouraging alternate activities, like reading or playing outside.
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Step 3
Take the blame. If there isn't any way to avoid confrontation, preface it by saying "This is my fault for not letting you know how I feel about (fill in the blank)" or "I'm not sure if I ever told you about (fill in the blank)."
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Step 4
Have your kids take the lead. Before the babysitter arrives, give your kids specific expectations, such as how much time you want them to spend outside or what time they need to be in bed. Ask them to help the babysitter remember since the routine may be a little different than she is used to. When the children know what they need to do, the babysitter should be able to follow along.
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Step 5
Sandwich any criticism with compliments. Tell her "I love how you've been working on Ryan's reading with him. I can really tell a difference!" followed by "If you could limit the amount of time he spends playing on the computer and focus more on his homework, that would be great." Finish with a compliment such as "You're a wonderful role model to him and I can tell he really looks up to you."
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Step 6
Stay on top of problems. No, you don't need to harp on the poor sitter about every little issue, but if you have a big enough problem, nip it in the bud to prevent it from getting worse. Good babysitters are hard to find, so gentle nudges in the right direction early on can keep her around for years to come.
