How to Apologize
An apology involves more than a "I'm sorry." It is the acknowledgment that we did something wrong or hurtful. We admit responsibility and regret, which is often difficult to do. Our egos don't like us to admit we are flawed and fallible, and pride makes us fear that such an admission will have consequences. An apology takes courage and humility.
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Instructions
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Use good timing. Your words are more effective if there is little time between your actions and the apology.
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Be sincere in your attitude and intent. Empathy is crucial. Choose your words carefully and rehearse beforehand if necessary. Keep the focus on your behavior.
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Convey regret for what you've done. As an expression of empathy towards the other person, acknowledge that you understand the inconvenience, the hurt you caused, the damages and any resulting loss.
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Explain what happened but avoid excuses. Refrain from blaming anyone, especially the person to whom you are apologizing. Accept responsibility and express your willingness to accept the consequences.
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State your willingness to make things right. Include a promise to avoid the behavior in the future, a statement of intent that you will try to do better or an offer to make restitution for any damage.
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Tips & Warnings
Don't over-rehearse your apology. Your listener must believe that you understand what has happened and that you are truly sorry.
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Comments
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kstroud
Aug 08, 2009
what do you do after the fight? like when your sitting there all shaken up and drained. how do you get rid of that tension? -
Psalmist4M
Sep 30, 2008
Sometimes, an apology for the sake of restoration is necessary even when you're not a fault. If you wish to just put the whole situation to rest, stepping over the futile details & digging to the root of the situation is probably more the necessity. Carrying this type of turmoil inside only causes you to be stressed & doesn't resolve anything. Then sometimes we have to just let it go...
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espertus
Aug 03, 2008
4boymom, obviously, you shouldn't apologize if you didn't do anything wrong. If you said or did something that someone misunderstood, though, presumably you regret not being clearer, especially if it caused someone distress. I'd recommend saying something like: "Oh, wow, I can see why you're upset. I really should have been more clear. I was trying to compliment you, not insult you. Obviously, I really messed up. I'll be more careful next time."
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4boymom
Jun 19, 2008
what if you are accused of something that is not true and the accuser is demanding that you admit your mistake and apologize? then they won't talk to you because you didn't admit they were right in their judgement of you. Do you still owe them an apology for misunderstanding you?
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torque63
Dec 11, 2007
I tell my kids that sorry has tears on it's cheek not a smile on it's face....
