How to Avoid Groupies

So you're a hot rock star or celebrity, or maybe you're just a local musician who has more female attention than you can handle. If you desperately want to avoid those pesky and persistent groupies who won't take no for an answer, there are several easy ways to sidestep them.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Stay at the hotel under an assumed name, but choose one your groupies can't guess. If you are a known Star Trek fan, don't use "Mr. Kirk" as your alias. Be creative.
2. Use a decoy. Hire a limo and have a look-alike walk into it and ride away after the show. That will fool unwanted groupies into following it. This will leave you time to consort with more desirable females backstage.
3. Leave through the side door. Most groupies will head for the front door, parking garage or the obvious exit. Fool them by choosing a well-hidden way out of the venue. Maybe even don a wig and uniform until you get in the limo.
4. Hire menacing bodyguards. This will dissuade all but the most psychotic groupies. You can always call the cops on them.
5. Inundate yourself with other girls. If you are surrounded by plenty of other females (or just your wife, if you're a good boy), many groupies will find it off-putting. If they feel you'll already booked up for the evening, they will leave.
6. Release a CD, DVD or movie that flops. That's the best way to avoid groupies altogether.