How to Deal With an Evil Twin

It's said that most twins share an uncannily powerful bond. This is not the case if your twin happens to be evil. More likely, you're finding yourself in situations where people are blaming you for things you haven't done and your life is in a perpetual state of sabotage. There is hope. Take charge and break the chains of your doppelganger!

Instructions

1. Set yourself apart physically from your sinister counterpart by any means necessary. Change your hair color and invest in some colored contacts. Start using a British accent. You might be seen as crazy by family and friends, but it's much better than being evil.

2. Make secret modifications for added insurance. Your twin, being evil and all, will likely mirror any changes you've made to your appearance in an effort to foil your hopes of individuality. Get a tattoo in an obscure location.

3. Make a habit of documenting your whereabouts at all times. Make frequent stops to make small purchases using your debit or credit card. Demand a receipt, even if it's just a pack of gum.

4. Be extremely chatty with everyone you meet while you're out. This will come into play should any situations requiring alibis or witnesses arise.

5. Recruit the help of your parents. There should be some degree of obligation, considering they brought you and your twin into the world.

6. Resort to relocation if all else fails. This is much like the witness relocation program, so you must be willing to sever ties with your current life, including family and friends.

Tips & Warnings

• Sometimes a heart to heart talk can work wonders. Talk to your evil twin. Try to figure out what drives him/her to do evil things and systematically destroy your life. Maybe his/her motivation is something YOU did once upon a time. Perhaps you can square things and end the madness.

• Watch out for signs that the evil twin might actually be vying for your identity! They may decide it prudent for you to be "out of the picture" in order for them to take over your life.