How to Sweat the Small Stuff

People are convinced they need to relax and ignore the little things in life that cause annoyance. No one questions whether relaxation might just be a way of putting the American people to sleep while governments overspend, corporations exploit and terrorists plot attacks. Fight for your right to sweat the small stuff.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Notice everything, from a lopsided painting in your mother's house to the 5-pound bag of apples at the supermarket that actually weighs 4.68 pounds when you put it on the scale.

2. Write all the small stuff down. You'll need to keep a record of every fat joke your husband's ever made if you're going to sweat over it.

3. Review your list frequently. Let the worry build up. Set aside time every day to sweat the small stuff.

4. Buy a good deodorant. You want to make sure people stick around when you start to sweat the small stuff.

5. Practice the art of nagging. Let your spouse, children, family and friends know what's bugging you. Saying it only once isn't enough. Take them through the worry experience as many times as you can.

6. Expand your worrying by complaining to authorities, store managers and your state representatives. Call city officials about the 4-letter word you saw spray-painted on a stop sign. Tell your mayor you can't stand to look at him because he needs a haircut.

7. Organize a protest outside meditation centers, massage schools and health spas. Make signs that say "To complain is to think" and "Anxiety is our right."

Tips & Warnings

• Never read "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson.
• Avoid tranquilizers. They quiet the worry neurotransmitters in your brain.

Resources

• Sweat the small stuff on this site

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